


Keep Holding On

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Dean-Centric, Episode: s11e16 Safe House, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean sees something while in the soul eater's nest that shakes him to his core. With both of them physically exhausted and emotionally drained, Sam convinces his brother to get some well-needed sleep. But with sleep comes dreams, and with dreams come nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Holding On

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been very active lately. I'm working on a few longer fics but I've kind of lost my motivation for them. I'm actually writing a sequel for my previous AU-ish fic - What I've Overcome - but it probably won't be as long. Of course, whether or not I actually make progress on it depends on if I finally manage to write something I'm happy with. 
> 
> Until then, though, have another short one! The beginning is kind of what I wished would have happened in the new episode but didn't. It was still really good though - really creepy and a lot like old school SPN. Robbie Thompson always does the best episodes!

The world is darker, more dangerous, when Dean wakes up. The house is empty, but he can still feel eyes watching him from the shadows. Floorboards creak as he makes his way through the house to the wall where he has to paint the sigil to kill the soul eater. The sound seems to echo in this place outside time and space, and Dean keeps turning around, expecting to see someone or something following him. But every time, there’s nobody there. He’s completely alone. 

 

There’s movement in the corner of his eye. He turns, expecting to see the soul eater, though he has no way of defending himself here. But what he does see makes him wish it had been the monster. Sam is lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, a sight that - no matter how many times he sees it - will never cease to make his heart stop in his chest, all the breath leave his body. 

 

Next to his brother lies his best friend - his angel. Castiel is sprawled on the floor, angel blade embedded in his chest and lifeless blue eyes open wide, staring up at nothing. The shadows of broken wings are scorched into the floor underneath him. He knows it’s not real, but part of him reminds him how it could have been, some time ago. If Cas hadn’t gotten through to him, if Dean hadn’t decided to put his knife through a stack of books instead, this would be more than just a vision in a house of nightmares. 

 

Dean closes his eyes.  _ It’s not real _ . He takes a deep breath and when he looks again, it’s as if there was nobody there in the first place. He swallows hard and moves on to the next room. He has a soul eater to kill, and he can’t afford to get distracted unless he wants to be trapped here forever. 

 

When it’s all said and done, and the girl is returned to her moms, Dean is more than ready to get back to the bunker. There have been no leads on Cas so far, but after seeing the angel like that - hallucination or not - Dean can’t afford to be lazy about it. Some part of him just wants to take a break. He’s sore from Sam fending off his possessed body - did he really have to hit him with a chair? Really Sam? - and he kind of wants to sleep until he forgets this whole thing ever happened. Seeing Sam and Cas had been hard enough, but he’d known that it wasn’t real. Bobby on the other hand, he isn’t so sure. Sam had said that the nest existed outside space and time. While his brother hadn’t wanted to think too hard about that headache inducing problem, Dean just has this feeling that it was the real Bobby he’d seen and not just another vision. 

 

Sam’s ready to call it a night when they get home, but Dean insists upon staying up and searching for leads on Cas, on Amara, anything that might get them somewhere. His brother gives him those puppy dog eyes that still haven’t lost their effect after all these years, trying to reason with him. 

 

“You can’t help Cas if you don’t get some sleep, Dean,” he says. 

 

“If I’m asleep, I can’t help him,” Dean counters. “There’s gotta be something we’re missing Sam. There has to be-” 

 

Sam grabs his shoulder to stop him before he can start rambling. 

 

“You know it wasn’t real - what you saw when you were in the nest. I’m still here and Cas-” 

 

“Is as good as dead if we don’t find a way to kick Lucifer out of him,” Dean finishes. He goes back to skimming through news articles, hoping to find some sort of evidence of devil-like activity or anything that might point to where Lucifer is holed up. In a separate window on the laptop, he has pages of spells and other ancient rituals that Sam has been putting into the Men of Letters archive pulled up, hoping that at least one of them might help in expunging Lucifer from Cas’ vessel. 

 

“Cas is stronger than that,” Sam assures him. He tugs on Dean’s arm and pulls him up. The older hunter protests but even though he’s the little brother, he’s still slightly bigger than Dean and forces him along to his bedroom. Dean could fight back if he wasn’t so tired, but honestly, he’d been reading the same three sentences in that article for the past five minutes. 

 

“Sam,” Dean begins, trying to find an excuse to go back out to the library. 

 

“ _ Dean _ ,” Sam says, pushing him into his room. “Get some sleep. We both need it.” 

 

With that, Sam closes the door. Dean listens for footsteps, but his brother never walks away. He rolls his eyes. 

 

“You can’t stand outside my door forever,” Dean says. 

 

“I can until you pass out from exhaustion, which shouldn’t take too long,” Sam replies, sounding unbearably smug. He also sounds tired and Dean feels a little guilty for keeping his brother up after such a difficult case. Dean’s sure he’s not the only one sore from digging up two graves. 

 

“Alright. Fine, I’ll sleep. As long as you do too, okay Sammy?” 

 

Sam doesn’t respond, but after long enough, Dean hears footsteps receding. He could just go back out there, but he knows Sam would be upset with him tomorrow morning if he comes out of his room to find Dean passed out in the library. He sighs and walks over to his bed, collapsing down onto the mattress. The aches and pains he’d been ignoring before come back in full force and Dean groans as he takes off his shoes and strips down to his t-shirt and boxers. He slips under the covers, every muscle protesting his movement and he stares up at the ceiling, blowing out a long breath. 

 

“I’m getting too old for this,” he mutters to himself. 

 

He closes his eyes, only intending to take a quick nap before he sneaks back out. At least he’ll be able to tell Sam he slept, even if it wasn’t for the whole night. But then he opens his eyes again and he’s not in his room. He’s in the soul eater’s nest again and part of him wonders how he got here or if he ever left. Maybe going home with Sam had just been another vision, even if that doesn’t really make sense. He makes his way through the house, but he doesn’t have the blood to draw the sigil so he doesn’t know how he’s going to get out. He sees movement again, shadows playing across the wall in the other room and Dean creeps over quietly, poking his head around the corner. This time, instead of seeing Sam and Cas lying dead on the floor, he sees Cas possessed by Lucifer. There’s blood on his hands and a wicked smile on his face as he lunges towards Sam. Dean can’t move, suddenly frozen to the spot. He can only watch helplessly as red fingers wrap around his brother’s throat, choking the air out of him. 

 

“Cas! I know you’re still in there! Stop him!” he shouts. 

 

But Cas isn’t the one to stop Lucifer. Dean watches as Sam, still gasping for what little breath he can gather, grips an angel blade that wasn’t there before in his hands. He swings his arm up and Lucifer lets out a little surprised gasp, letting go of Sam and staring down at the knife in his chest. Light spills out of the wound and Dean looks away as it explodes. 

 

When he looks again, it’s just like in the soul eater’s nest - Cas lying lifeless on the floor, the angel blade sticking out of him. 

 

“Dean,” Sam says, “I’m sorry. I had to.” 

 

Dean barely hears a word he says, walking over like he hadn’t done while trapped in the nest. He kneels down, pulling Cas into his lap. Those stupidly blue eyes are staring up at him, almost in accusation. Like Cas is asking  _ Why? Why didn’t you save me? _

 

He takes a shuddering breath and closes his own eyes, hoping that if he opens them again this will be gone. But the weight of Cas’ body never disappears from his arms and when he opens his eyes, Cas is still staring at him. His breath hitches and he has to look away. He can’t see Cas like this without breaking down. 

 

“Looks like you couldn’t save him after all.” 

 

A voice that sounds like Cas, but isn’t Cas has Dean looking down at the angel again. His eyes aren’t blue anymore - they’re a fiery orange-red and Dean knows that it’s not his friend watching him with a crooked grin. He tries to get up, get away from Lucifer, but he’s frozen in place. The archangel stands, brushing himself off and regarding Dean like one might a cockroach. 

 

“I have your brother to thank for finally killing that irksome fly that kept buzzing around my head,” Lucifer says. 

 

“No...” 

 

“That’s right. Your precious Castiel is gone. It’s just me in here.” Lucifer reaches down and grabs Dean by the throat, lifting him into the air effortlessly. “Nobody can save you now.” 

 

Lucifer looks over at Sam and the hunter simply disintegrates into ash. Dean can’t even get enough air to cry his name. The hand around his neck squeezes tighter still and his vision starts to go spotty. His lungs are screaming for air they can’t get and Dean opens and closes his mouth, probably looking like a fish trying to breathe without water. 

 

“Cas...” Dean chokes out. 

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. 

 

“Seriously? Dean, you need to wake up. You can’t save him and you can’t save your brother. I’m going to tear you and everyone you’ve ever loved to pieces. And you can’t do anything about it.” 

 

Dean wheezes in reply and kicks at Lucifer’s legs, tries prying the archangel’s hand away from his throat. Lucifer tuts at him. 

 

“You really can’t think that’s going to do anything,” he taunts. “This is me we’re talking about. Wake up already.” 

 

That’s the second time Lucifer has told him to wake up and Dean thinks that he’s starting to sound suspiciously like Sam, despite the fact that his brother is nothing but dust on the ground. 

 

“Dean! Wake up! You’re dreaming!” 

 

He blinks and he’s in his room again. The lights are on and Sam is standing over him, alive and whole. He sits up and before Sam can ask what’s wrong, he pulls his brother into a hug. Sam seems to know what happened without him saying anything and he pats Dean on the back gently. 

 

“It wasn’t real,” he tells him. 

 

Dean just nods and he squeezes Sam tighter, glad that he’s here and not turned into dust by Lucifer or lying on the floor bleeding out. No matter how many times they’ve died and come back, his brother dying is something he’s never going to get used to. 

 

When they let go of each other, Sam hovers by his bedside uncertainly. 

 

“Maybe we should keep looking for leads,” he suggests. 

 

“No,” Dean says. His voice sounds hoarse, like Lucifer really was strangling him. He clears his throat. “You go back to bed. I’ll be fine. I just... need to do something.” 

 

Sam doesn’t ask what that something is. He only nods and squeezes Dean’s shoulder. 

 

“If you need me, you know where to find me,” he says. 

 

He leaves and shuts the door behind him. As soon as he’s gone, Dean closes his eyes and bows his head. He’s never really known what the “correct” way to pray is, but Cas has always heard him no matter what he’s doing. 

 

“Cas, you got your ears on?” 

 

As always, there’s no answer, but that’s never stopped him before. If anything, he needs this now more than ever. He doesn’t know if Lucifer can hear him too, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to talk to Cas. He needs to tell him, in case this doesn’t work out and they lose him. Cas needs to know. 

 

“Listen, man, I don’t know if you can hear me. I hope you can. And if that dickbag is listening, then let him. I don’t care. I just... I need you to know that I... that I need you to hold on, okay? We’re gonna save you.” 

 

He swallows hard. That’s not it. Cas needs to  _ know _ . It’s time to stop being such a coward. 

 

“Cas I... I miss you. And I’m going to find a way to save you, because I... because I need you. Not because I can use your powers or whatever. But because I need  _ you _ . I need my friend back. And because I... I love you.” 

 

It doesn’t seem so bad now that he’s said it. 

 

“I don’t mean love like a brother either. You’re more than that to me. I mean that I’m  _ in love  _ with you. So please just... just hold on. After all the times you’ve pulled us out of the fire, it’s our turn to do the same for you. You deserve to be saved, Cas.” 

 

Dean opens his eyes and looks up. Of course, Cas isn’t going to appear. He just hopes that he got his message. It’s comforting to think he did, to think that the angel finally knows how Dean feels about him. He lies back down, pulling the covers up and closing his eyes. Just as he’s falling back asleep, he hears it. Maybe he’s hearing things because he’s half asleep, maybe he’s already starting to dream again. But the sound is unmistakeable. He would know that voice anywhere. 

 

_ I love you too, Dean. _

  
  



End file.
